10/28 Good day

I had a good grounding conversation with Arlene yesterday.  Thank you, Arlene.  I struggle so much with am I doing enough, am I giving enough, then am very hard on myself if I feel I am not.  The whole holding onto expectations thing, while recognized its a self created obstacle, was not getting resolved  That conversation helped give me some clarity, and when I spontaneously broke into Doris Day Que Sera Sera while walking Buck last night, I figured I was on my way to getting rid of that.

As a part of my hopeful planned getaway to the forest, I spent a lot of time on amazon last night looking for a good spiritually grounding book to keep me company.  Located a great used bookstore across the street from the dim sum place, so stopped today and jammed through the metaphysical section.  I was specifically going to find a copy of A Course in Miracles, but the only copy they had was a used older publication and not the one I was looking for.  A LOT of people have a hard time getting through this book, and I really wanted to lay my hands on it and read a little bit of it to see if it was something that resonated with me.  It comes with some sort of workbook that apparently a lot of people have to use to even comprehend what they are reading.  Im leary of this requirement, so although I have a close to $100 in points to spend at Amazon, I thought Id look at it here first.  This version has the workbook separate - and frankly its easy for me to read and comprehend as its something Ive been working on for a while - but still not the all in one I was hoping to find so I pass.   Turned around and saw the Tao of Pooh, which Carolyn really enjoyed and mentioned she thought I might too, so I grabbed that.  Its a short book probably a full day read...definitely wouldn't get me through a 3 day forest stay.  Sort of dug around looking for something else and saw Conversations with God...which Ive read...but really like a lot.  Its close to the same message as Course in Miracles.  But when I pick it up I reallize its book 2 - not book 1.  Im not sure Ive read book 2.  Open it up to the first page and it says:

"Thank you for coming.  Thank you for being here.
You are here by appointment, true; but still, you could have failed to show up.  You could have decided not to.  You chose instead to be here, at the appointed hour, at the appointed place, for this book to come into your hands.  So thank you."

uhhhhh......SOLD!  Grabbed a used copy of Tao of Pooh as well, as I AM kind of a Taoist at heart, and know it will be lighter.  Book 1 I had to digest a page at a time...sometimes a paragraph at a time.  It is a slow read, and the Tao I know I can probably focus on longer.

Got there just as he was taking his last bites of lunch.  He was expecting his physical therapist, Roel, any minute.  Apparently Roel came at least once and saw I was there and gave us 15-20 minutes to visit...I didn't see him because Richard was making me cut his toenails and we were having a discussion about spirituality and beliefs.  Richard believes in NOTHING.  We are the only beings, on the only planet and what you see is what you get.  That's it.  I got pretty deep with him and he said it was a hard conversation to have because he had so much to say but it was difficult to get the words.  I'm going to start that conversation with him again later at some point.  When I got home a girlfriend had sent me a link to a new PBS series on Catholicism which looks amazing, and is supposed to be shattering.  I think that is probably meant for him.

When Roel comes back he says hello, and again says that he is doing so well, and I had a brief chat with him about Richard being completely zombie the day after I saw him last.  He said yes, he does get that way somedays but all in all he sees him on a slowly progressive UP slope.  Even when he has bad days, Roel says he will still get up and walk 50 feet or so for him.

Today however was a very good day.  I filmed it today so that I know I'm not an insane person with unrealistic reality.  He really does have these incredibly good days...and when they are good he is in a state that is BETTER than he was prior to the stroke.

I knew immediately when I arrived that this was one of those days.  I can just tell from his posture, eye contact and speech patterns.  He was in the house.  I told him immediately I could tell he was doing well and asked if he was trying to do self markers and could he discern that today he was a little bit more together than a couple days ago and he said 'oh yessss...didnt you just see me get up and walk to my bed?'  I did.  This is like how he was on the last hes doing great day report.  I asked how HE can tell hes better and he says hes more balanced and focused.

I don't have the time or wherewithal to go through and edit these videos and splice them together so you can just watch the whole enchilada.  In the beginning I'm laughing because he took off like a rocket before I could even press record, and he was staring at the camera hamming as he was going by.  You'll notice that after he returns to a seated position his blood pressure is perfect.  In the beginning of this journey his blood pressure would have been VERY low....  You'll also notice he is moving his feet much better. 

To top all of this off, today he was able to completely arrange himself in bed on his own...and by that I mean he lifts his own legs into bed, and then readjusts until hes straight in bed, then uses the headboard to pull himself up.  Mentality he still needed some ques on what to do to his bed, and still needs me to place his hand at the headboard.  I merely put his knuckles to it and then he finds the top of it on his own and pulls himself up.  And the left is flailing unable to discern if he is at headboard or top of mattress.

Irregardless of all of this, when he has these days, he is in a better physical state than he was pre-stroke.  Need the mind to come along for the ride.

 

At the end he said "that's for sure".  His blood pressure was now slightly elevated 138/90something

 

I mostly kept this because that is his Chinese roomate speaking to Buck saying Good Boy!  He was deathly afraid of Buck in the beginning.  I didn't want to be disrespectful and film his face but you can hear his voice.  He was doing loops on his walker around the floor getting some exercise.  I ran into him a bit later when I went to nuke the lotus package thing and he thought I it was for Buck...expressed by a double pointing to the food and then Buck and saying ohhhhhhhh GOOD boy!  HAHA!